Trying Hard. So hard

Well.. Story time. Today at college we saw a little sparrow.. A baby I guess, In a large-sized beaker. Chirping madly. I asked the teacher about it and she said she caught it dying so brought it in. Few minutes later whole of the sparrow family was flying madly in the lab. We switched all the fans off as they were so animated. Huff. I felt so.. don’t know.. can’t explain… As we took the baby out and as it flew away with its parents.. I never felt so… far away. So.. sad? Can’t say. I suppress all my emotions now. Don’t even wanna think about them.

I said so earlier in one of my posts that.. Either I am a sad soul.. Or a happy spirit. Seldom intermediate. I am trying so hard not to be sad.. But I can’t run away from it. It’s time I start facing all this. I know.. I have a big day ahead of me. Maybe I’ll end up being happy because that’s what being busy results in for me… But at the moment.. Sitting alone in my house.. pushing away all the virtual worlds, thoughts and relations.. I feel so… pensive.

I had an attack last night. Felt like dying. My best friend said maybe too much reality is doing it. Lol. I’d say too much happiness is the reason. My graphs are bound to drop. They always do. Terrible and sharp. I won’t say sharp today.. blunt yeah. It’s good to be sad now and then. Helps you in soul-searching. But I will not be unhinged this time… It’s the slight pricking in the old wound. But no… You won’t find me wounded.. it’s something new. I don’t know. It’s that.. Um… For a second somewhere I believed that I actually meant something to someone.. And as I told my friend last night.. I won’t be an option again…

And I smile so sadly inwards.. About the things I know alone.. Things the Ordinary will never understand… Things I won’t tell. JK. My hatred is magic. But only if it didn’t include my destruction…. I would have actually unleashed it. But Healers don’t do that man…

And because me being sorrowful always does the task…. =)

All Skin coloured,



2 thoughts on “Trying Hard. So hard”

  1. Isn’t the reunion (of the sparrows) supposed to be a happiness-inducing moment? … what exactly made you sad? The loneliness and vulnerability of the little one in the absence of its families, the way the families handled the situation, or your loss of it which you may never see again? :)

    Nice piece as always! iLike!

    1. No.. It’s not about the sparrows. It’s about that state of mind that compels you to behave in a completely different way… And you are right.. the loss I may never see again…. Just few things that trigger a lot of emotions. Sometimes.. Happiness is the one causing melancholy… Just like pricking in an old wound

      Thanks for liking. More like ‘iLike’ =P

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