I can feel it. I can feel it through my bones and I can feel it in my blood. The boiling temperature dissolving my veins away. I can feel that force lift me from my grounds and slam me into walls of my own existence. I can feel my brain pulsating painfully against the hold of its cage. I can feel the capillaries bursting. I can taste the blood in my mouth. I can feel my muscles go taut. The timer has gone off.
Don’t piss me off. Don’t offend me. You have no idea what anger does to me. It thrashes me around like a straw puppet. And the fire starts burning my existence. And right in front of everyone I burn away. Humiliated. Desiccated
My anger. It affects me. And yeah.. my mom too. I blow out at her and she on me. And both of us never know what actually caused us to be this way. It affects me as I destroy myself. I am one of those few people who won’t mostly punch or swear or curse or knock the hell outta everyone. But deep in.. I don’t know what happens. It’s catchy and I hate to spread it around
And then.. then one thought leads to another and I am caught in utter turmoil. Severe wrath. Helplessness and memories. All crash on me one by one. I’ll remember the first time I was hurt. I will remember all the loved ones I’ve lost. I’ll remember lies and deceit and mistakes and words.. God the bitter words. The cruel actions. Everything. It’s not the actual thing that pains. It’s the flashback. For a person who has buried her memories with the dead is scared to madness as the ghosts come back to haunt. Burning her present
Then I’ll take a big step. I’ll always take a big step. I can’t take revenge. I was never one of the fighters. I’d do one big thing and anger it’ll recede as the horror of my action settles in my mind. That of course, is another tale
Sometimes anger and helplessness mingle and increase a hundredfold when there is nothing I can do. Nothing to say. All mistakes and all lies. So I just hide in a dark corner and feel blood rushing into my mouth. With every blow a part of me leaves. One blow, and you’ll never see the same Eustachia again….