Letter One: Claire writes

Okay, This is really strange

I know you asked me to write letters since your stupid boarding house does not let you use internet for communication. What sick rule is that and what sick place is it! And you are not supposed to have cellphones, what are you training to be, a nun? Come on man you have no idea I had to go to the store to buy this “super-hero” letter pad. Well, kind of cool yes but this sounds so STUPID. This is the third time I am writing I just trashed two beautiful pages (The letter-pad is kinda expensive ok) 

Al-right, as far as I remember letter writing, we start with asking about person’s health, right? Hey Andrew how are you? I hope you had really bad food accompanied by really bad bowel movements. Yeah that’s right. I am not concerned. As for my health.. you are so surely not concerned either.. So I am not wasting my pen (I bought it at the stationery store around the corner, man can you believe I got such cool batman sticker with it! I pasted it on my pc, yes that’s right, you are so jealous :D)

Ok now you are smiling or yawning if you are reading it for the second time. I am really bored over here. Just.. so bored. I should have made more friends before you left for your stupid training. I mean, it is so idiotically vacant and distressing to check my phone and read a couple of texts from the crazy blood sucking phone company. I am just going on and on right? Huh well, this is my first time writing a letter you know (and probably your first time reading it)

Well. I wrote a really nice poem but somehow it got deleted and I can’t write the same thing again. It is so lonely I mean huh. I really have nothing to say I am just missing you. I mean yeah right I am,shut up. Will you write me back soon? This is so romantic lol (I still care for this expression) but of course, I am not interested =P

So I guess. Well, I mean. Everybody misunderstands me here. The difference is now I care because I am alone. They think I am just a stupid old cheat and I care what they think because these are stupid people I have to hang out with. Even my room-mate called me a freak last night. I cried all night you have no idea. She thought I left for the auditorium without her on purpose so that she misses all that while I was already in there when the whole briefing started and I couldn’t leave because Professor was standing by the door and well I wouldn’t get a seat of I left and came back..

I don’t care. I know I have a friend who is somewhere in the world who understands me no matter what. I am right, right? Gosh.. I didn’t wanna sound like a cry baby alright that’s it write back soon, I hate you, oh I so deeply do.

WAIT. There are a few questions I wanted to ask before but got caught: How’s food? How’s your room? Made new friends? What is the training like? What are the professors like? Having fun? Are there mosquitoes and flies?

Love, Bbye :)

Claire

P.s I love the concept of P.s and I have thought of many cool P.s’ but still can’t come up with one. Still *keep your fingers crossed*

Unread and Untitled

This is my letter to the world,
That never wrote to me,–
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.
Her message is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me! 

To my heart’s core, I feel sick. Sick and tired and worn out. Enough is so darned enough.

When I look at myself and say or state, I never assume that what I am saying is true for everyone or what I am saying is a pure FACT, why? Because I know my heart and I don’t know anyone else’s. I don’t know what stages or circumstances the other person goes through. For stuff I always give MYSELF justifications. But I am sick of that. Sick of cutting myself open for people who will do nothing more than cut more. I am tired. I am half-crazed keeping my damn mouth shut. Sick of letting everyone have their way. You don’t trust me? You don’t like me? You think I am a liar a fool a cheat a player or other terms you so frequently and tonelessly use. Leave me alone. I am not gonna sit here let you say all that or I am not going to prove myself. I am purple. I don’t exist

But, if for a second you thought of knowing me, rather than making up baseless assumptions as per your life experiences. YOU NEVER MET SOMEONE QUITE LIKE ME. And I swear that you won’t. And what did you do? Make me a victim of indirect accusations? You know who I am? I am a kid who is barely of age. I am a kid that met so many liars and cheats than putting your thirty years together I am a kid who watched her dad die right in front of her bloody eyes in that bloody ccu I am the kid who’s gonna die of cancer in just a couple of years to come AND STILL YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME?

Hear me, oh stranger. I too possess a half-healed soul. I too die every night and still wake up every morning. I am a kid who never quite understood how to play games. For a second there, when I met you, I thought I found a friend. But you smashed me with the perceptions that my soul never tasted. Just because you know my name doesn’t mean you know my life! I am as pure as that wind that talks to me every morning. Hate me if you may, leave me if you may, don’t mistake me, don’t accuse me. I am not asking you back. I never had anyone from the beginning and oh stranger, I have long been standing far from the maddening crowd.

Now I walk away

(Stanza from Emily Dickinson)