It’s us. It’s me. We all have a whole world situated in us or maybe our world is us ourselves. It’s too ironic, it’s too strange, too captivating. The variety of emotions we possess. The amount of them we let free. The persona we develop. And the.. the destiny
What am I? What do I really know? What percentage of life and destiny do I really understand? What part do you understand? Why do I even ponder on it? Why do we all? What’s the true meaning and reason of our actions? How much do they affect us and the people around us? Why what’s the problem with me…
It’s a mess. We all make so many mistakes and the losses stay with many of us. And we all live in future; whether it is the Sapien nature or what but it is always the future. We live for future. I do. Every second I live in pain I say there will be a better tomorrow. With every person backstabbing me I still trust that someone someday truly won’t. With every fake relation, I trust in another to prove me wrong that one day ONE DAY I will be paid off. One day the circle of life will be completed. I can’t really hope but why don’t I just stop wishing.. Why don’t I? Why don’t so many people I know. I feel like a mad person telling others to hope and trust and blablablablah. When deep down I wanna scream unto their faces. IF IT HASN’T HAPPENED, TRUST ME IT WON’T
I have a distant friend whose dad left her mom and married some psycho damsel in distress. She told me everything yet I was then a masked stranger, She said what every reeking person says to me, “You understand, As if you knew the pain” No dude I never did. Overtime she used to say that one day, one day, her dad will come back to her mom. But.. no.. if once you lose someone… Buddy you lose them forever… I wish I could see straight in her eyes and tell her so. Tell her to.. move on. The future she’s awaiting will never be like the one she dreams. It seldom is. You have to be very lucky for that…. and are we really so?
Me? I’m losing hope. No more search for love. If it’s there. It will find me. If not.. I think I pretty much have learned how to survive…
What a great liar have I become….
.Dated: 15 Oct 2011