Balderdash Thoughts

Back again

Lord, I don’t remember last time I felt like this, feeling as if there was vomit stuck in my throat and my stomach churning and my eyes burning. Wanting to blow a hole in my head and drain its contents. And then let the winds cool my blood and the rain wash me away..

A spitfire, angry and busty as hell. I know, it is one of those times when I am trying so hard not to feel scared and hurt, Feeling pain penetrate my heart and still denying its very presence. Tired of denying my feelings. I am so tired of denying my own feelings.

I’ll just lean back on my maroon chair and close my eyes, begging my insides to let me cry. There is no hatred, there is no love. There is no feeling. All I feel is the pain I am gonna deny, the broken dream I am gonna forget, the arms in agony and the heart that beats so slowly.

It’s the heart that beats so slowly…

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