Sane Insanity

There are a few things about yourself you are so sure of. Might be many for a lot of people. The thing I know about myself is (hang on, I am gonna brag through the whole thing) that I am probably the loveliest person alive =P With a heart like no other =D

Just kidding. People who know me, or even read my blog once in a while, know I am a creature of extreme emotions. And you know that time when you find out that a friend you like very much, probably love like anything, loves you back, and is as afraid of losing you as you are of losing her?

It makes my heart beat stronger. And the light in it grow brighter

Because, you know what. My absence has never counted much. Like no matter how much I give; my time, my love, my sincerity, care, laughter… It never remains. Maybe it’s part of my personality.

Sad, no?

Oh enough of the old damsel in distress. When a drop of happiness lays itself in me. My soul explodes. I multiply it a thousand times and spread it all around. I have to. It’s my nature. I cannot smile alone. Then, as last night I lay smiling sadly on the sofa, my mind was buzzing with emotions and memories of all kinds. I think its time to accept things. Like the end of fate. Like the truth of solitude. Let’s embrace happiness in it’s most innocent form. A friend telling a friend that.. don’t leave.. things won’t ever be the same without you. Gosh my ears never heard these words before. No matter how much I yearned for them. No matter how much I deserved them.

One word of love and I keep it with me forever, I cherish it, I tend it, I keep it alive in my heart forever. All it takes is one word of true and pure love to have me in your debt forever

I am insane yes, but you will never get anything more sane out of me. Not more than this ey =P

So, hey, I am going to bed. Because I pretty much have nothing to do except stare at moi books as if I am gonna know stuff telepathically. This post stinks anyways

Ciao Ciao !

Haibar

 

Yeah

 

Don’t you hate when someone tries to act as if he/she knows more about something you might as well have a doctorate in, and act being big time fans to something you knew like a million years before them.

Or show off as if they know your friend more than you

And the fact that your friend plays along at times

It curdles my blood

I dwell with a strangely aching heart , In that vanished abode there far apart, On that disused and forgotten road

Back to the cliffs. Let’s walk barefoot again. Yeah, come on. Kick the boots away, little more pain will not kill you. It will barely register, trust me. Hop up

The girl was naive, her eyes red with all the crying. Her dress dirty from lurking in the store all day long. I helped her up, brushed the dust off, kicked off my own flimsy slippers and led her to where I was last seen, down the rocky roads again, the last horizon

She was sobbing so hard, And I made no move to pacify her. Cry it all out, love, tears left inside will just turn into poison and when it reaches the heart, it might change you forever. Rocks and pebbles hit my feet but I barely felt them, she did, though. She flinched as they cut in from here and there. Her pain isn’t deep, I smiled at the thought. It could be distracted, maybe it was a pain that can be forgotten. Years afterwards it will grow old and wear off. I smiled again, as if I knew her pain, as if I had the right to judge her

I asked her to sit at the edge, dangle her legs down. I asked her to look at the rushing water. She saw it, her blurring eyes wandered about. I smiled again. She could see past her pain. She would heal. The wound wasn’t deep. But what if it was, what if she wasn’t seeing with her eyes, and all she saw was the pain that was so new and was so heavily pressing on her chest. What if.. what if…

There are many ways in front of you, my love. Walk away, run from the pain. Or stay and endure it. It will either kill you, make you stronger,or leave you half dead. At this point nothing I say will make sense, nothing I say will soothe you. You have to find a way to get past it yourself. I came here, years ago. Why? To make a decision. But I never had a choice. I fell into these waters, and now am a part of it. My body floated somewhere far away, some people buried it, with no rituals, with no prayers. Whether they bid my soul peace or not, I don’t know. I was too far away to hear

I held her hand, she flinched at the cold, but didn’t run. I looked in her red eyes and gave her a little smile.
She turned to look at me as I got up. Air roaring in my hair. Life will come, if you want to live it. Before I took a dive, I saw that horrified look in her eyes. She might be one of the very few who met the soul of the cliffs. They say she comes to those who are lost in pain. They say sometimes her voice can be heard with the roaring wind. She’s one of the stories lost and lonely places have about them. If a place is deserted by life, people try to fill it with ghosts, as if there aren’t many among them, as if death is only the demise of the body…

(Title: Frost’s Ghost House)

(I am so not satisfied with the story, but despite a month, I could not make any significant changes. sob)

Happy Ramadan !

It’s here ! The blessed month of fasting !

Oh Allah, I promise I will try my level to be good and pious. Pray with my whole heart and let go of all you forbid from. Please grant me the power to shun all the bad deeds. May I hurt no one, may I say no bad word to anyone. May I don’t backbite. May I don’t even think bad about anyone. May I be even humble and be even forgiving (which, believe me, is not my speciality). Please help me watch my temper (because Mom has to deal with it, and I end up hurting her) Please Allah ! Wash away each and every of my sins by the end of this holy month. And may this month leave something so great in my soul. 

And please, help us all, by the blessings of this month, please help all the Muslims being martyred around the world. And protect us from those who befoul the religion under false pretence, from those who use the name of the religion to carry on their hideous deeds. Bring peace to all of us.

Plus, help me survive by dusk, It’s too hot you know.. =D

Love you Allah ! Keep watching over me !

Happy Ramadan, guys and grandpas !

 

Lost in the past

You know, I will always be one of those people lost in the past. One of those who disappeared while walking with us. We never looked back nor went to search for them, the paths were too strange and dangerous for that. Or even if they were not, we never tried… Whether they lived or died. We never cared to pursue. No matter how long they stayed, no matter how much laughter, sorrow or even love they shared. It’s that some people never make those places in the heart. Yeah, I have tried many times

Throwing away

It doesn’t take very long for a small scratch to turn into a bruise. All bruises don’t heal, all wounds don’t turn into scars and fade away. I might be talking pure medicine here but you know when things come from some unnamed corner of your mind or brain which we term things like ‘heart’. Heart is just a popular symbol. Whatever it is, I just wanna throw my cellphone away. Piece of junk has given me more tears than smiles

Butterfly

I was just going through my drawer and I came across the diary I had when we shifted to the city, I always start a diary with a poem or something, here’s how I started this one

Here’s and example,
From a Butterfly 
Who on a tough, hard rock,
Happy can lie
Friendless and all alone,
On this unsweetened stone
Now let my bed be hard,
No care take I –
I’ll make joy like this,
Small butterfly
Who’s happy heart has power,
To make a stone, a flower
 
 
 

P.s. I didn’t write it