Crappy..

I have five minutes to type this and by God I am gonna say it. I am a very territorial person. And yes, the rules I have are the rules I will obey. You know one thing about me? I don’t infiltrate worlds. Even of my best friend. I respect boundaries, I respect privacy. But then I want the same deal. I don’t butt in your group of friends and I have, by no means, any intention to do that. But if you try poke your leg into my own world

Honey I will kill you

You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me

What’s an inspiration? Something that gets a hold of me. Beckons me to get carried away in a whirl of thoughts, emotions and ideas. Something that makes me sit, uncap a pen a fill away the pages in front of me. For me, it is to write. For you, it might be so much more. Cook, draw, paint, sing. Something that brings out the inner us. The better. The great. That’s what you really are. That’s the place of utter content. The deeper wishes. The deeper you.

Being warm in winters. That’s just as if you found a key into my brain. Or a path into my mind. Leading somewhere deeper and so.. peaceful. Sipping tea, that is not that sweet but enough to jingle with my palate. Tea, not burning hot, but warm enough to sooth me. Holding the mug in my cold hands and brushing my nose over the hot handle, it feels.. satisfactory. Happiness is a great state of energy, marvellous state of the mind and the heart. But sometimes you don’t need happiness or devotion to soothe your soul

Trust me, a simple cup of tea would do just fine

Title: Quote by C.S. Lewis

Window Flower

Sipping hot tea, that warmth seeping into my cold hands from the mug. Sitting by the window, looking out to the street in the most clichéd manner ever. Looking at the lights and zooming cars but in reality not a sight getting through. Just sitting, nothing to do, nowhere to be. One of those Saturdays just so simply free

 

When being alone doesn’t hurt, it’s actually a very warm feeling to embrace…

And lonely as it is that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it be less—
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

 

 

In a Disused Graveyard

 
                                                           The living come with grassy tread
                                                           To read the gravestones on the hill;
                                                           The graveyard draws the living still,
                                                               But never anymore the dead.
                                                              The verses in it say and say:
                                                           “The ones who living come today
                                                          To read the stones and go away
                                                          Tomorrow dead will come to stay.
                                                        “So sure of death the marbles rhyme,
                                                         Yet can’t help marking all the time
                                                         How no one dead will seem to come.
                                                         What is it men are shrinking from?
                                                            It would be easy to be clever
                                                        And tell the stones: Men hate to die
                                                        And have stopped dying now forever.
                                                          I think they would believe the lie.
 

                                                                   -Robert Frost-

 

 

Life without exceptions

That’s how I live it now

Exceptions, mind you. All my life I have been.. a tad introvert. Not my fault nor do I complain, I was bred this way and I am so set in my own ways. It was very difficult to make friends in old times but slowly I got over it. I still cringe from large groups. A small tight group of friends. Meanwhile now I can talk to….anyone

But all my life I kept a lot of things to myself. Not my fault, me and my parents are two entirely different entities and mom never shared her pain with me and I never learned how to do it myself.. and my sister died.. my grandpa died.. everyone closer to my heart left before I understood a lot about myself and the world. I always had one or two people I called the exceptions.. No matter what rules I have in my life.. I will break it for them.. no matter how much I run away from the world I will not turn my back on them. I might ban the whole world to my heart but when a close friend will ask me what’s wrong.. I will talk.. They were exceptions to the sensitive personality I still posses, and saved myself from a lot of hurt.

Back in the old times, I had a lot of exceptions..

But then.. I stopped.. stopped giving people chances after they broke my heart once, twice, thrice. Stopped talking if they cut in once, twice, thrice.. so on and so forth. And now I sit here, amongst a wall of books, wrapped in a maroon shawl with cold hands and with… so many friends.. I am the local clown for God’s sake.. I can make people laugh with a bam ! There was time I would cry over a stupid thing and yesterday when a friend found out that I was quite unstable after a viva the other day…. she was taken aback… Haibar.. you.. can cry?

It’s nothing to be proud of but still..it was so ironic…

I don’t make exceptions anymore.. The more the days go by the more comical and sarcastic I become. Like the walls keep forming around me and I bloody don’t mind.. It’s like I am far far far away from all those people I once loved and you know what..it’s their fault.. you leave a friend alone in a crowd and expect her to be the same at the end of the day when she had to fight all the stuff herself when she knew she had a friend nearby? Being alone all by yourself is another thing and to be deliberately left out is completely different. It hurts more

But still..flashes of me remain. I will still leave everything if you call for help. Even if not.. passing in the hallway I will give you a smile as pure as the ray of light. But then..gone are the days I broke promises with myself.. If I am gone. I am dead. The dead may have ghosts about them but you can’t touch the heart in them anymore.. That went with the blood and flesh when the heart stopped beating… The heart you broke..

Once..twice..so many times..

Jacob and Cynthia: Someday

I am sorry Jake
Makes no difference
I mean it man.. Come on
Okhay
Jake?
Hmmm?
I apologize
Save your breath
JAKE?
SHUT THE HELL UP CYNTHIA

I held myself down, I could feel my hands and legs trembling as my temper rose. I repeatedly told myself that it was not my position to be angry but I had never apologized before.. Nor had I made such big a mistake. I meant no harm… I never did. It was a mistake.. And I was sorry. How much will he fight? For crying out loud I KNOW he is a guy but can’t guys just act human? He misses his friend like hell!! The other friends are not like him! I had invited Aaron for him! But no.. He was kicking a tantrum. Not talking, not replying and now in this sick library I feel like breaking the melon of his head into two!

I am gonna keep calling you until you dont drop this stupidity
Ha, talking about stupidity, I can’t look him in the eye just because of the silly fact that I let you hold my cell phone FOR ONE STINKING SECOND. Remind me Cyn.. I am never to trust you again
Oh. Sorry. Jacob.. You are never to trust me again

Oh crap. I looked up at her finally and she was staring at her hands. Great. I had said too much. But.. but I wanted to just vanish away in the earth for what she had done.. It was a get together at MY place. Only BOYS were to come. And she texted Aaron as me! That I invited him! We had gone our ways…. Things had changed… I dint care what and who he was. I just wanted to have some peace and CYN HAD TO DESTROY IT. Why can’t she just.. mind her own business?

Ok. Alright. Cyn. I get it. It’s ok.
Nay.. It’s not ok.. I am so sorry
Are you?
Aren’t I?
Yeah, of course you are. Let’s, let’s call it a day. Come on let’s leave

I will not give in.. I will not breakdown infront of him. He’ll never forgive me. What an idiot I am .. what do I care if a bunch of boys, forget an eleven year old friendship over a girl whom none of them will ever see again? How thick can one be? What was I thinking.. I did that for him and I am apologizing now and he’s acting so diffident Moron. idiot. I am never doing anything for him EVAR.

I’m not going, I have to complete some work
You did it all yesterday
I still have pharma and histology to work on
Fine.
 

I pushed the door open and came out into the grounds. Irritation ripping every part of my body. Now I have to face her too.. why can’t the world just leave me alone and focus on what they have in their lives? Now what.. go in face her or go out and watch Aaron smirking inwardly? One day I am gonna end up drowning them, or Hell I wish I had a blender in which I could smash their brains and be done with all this. Groan

You forgot your library card. Jughead
Oh right, what would I do without you =D
You do know I hate you so dearly.
The feeling.. My friend.. Is mutual =D
I am not kidding
Neither am I
Shut up Jake
Try me.
I hate you
I despise you
You are a moron
Fine I’ll pay for lunch today…
Now we’re getting somewhere =D
Yeahyeah
I am sorry Jake. I really am
Let’s leave it now shall we? Or you’re gonna lose the free meal
Okay, but I wanna know what really happened
Someday
Someday… Huff.. alright..