Back with a Bubble

 

back-to-college

I am sitting in my room again, my heart all warm and my muscles all sore. Yes it was a bad day for travelling, I went through shit today. All that time in the bus, off to college again, I had one thought roaming around in my head. Will I fit in again? Will people acknowledge me as I walk by? Had anyone, someone, missed me? These sound pathetic but then truth isn’t always heroic and nice. I felt feverish. My heart pounded thickly in my chest. Will I be okay? I don’t feel the same. I am not the same. I don’t know

But now as I rest my back against the window on my thick pillow..I feel a tiny bubble of happiness cushioning my heart. I love Bubbly. She is one of the few people who have touched my soul with their own warmth. These are the people I will do anything for. These are the people I will miss. These are the people who have the ability to wound me.

I went to her room, she got up and hugged me, and I said what I wanted to hear the most, Hey, I missed you, and I felt her hold tighten that millisecond. That millisecond I felt all the beautiful memories in my mind hitting me one by one. God.. I was really in need of a hug. And then we talked. Non stop. For two hours. College, home, politics, siblings, commercials, sports… everything. And now as I sit in my room I wish I could just preserve it all somewhere because oh, this time is gonna pass and some shit will happen to me. You see, that history book on my shelf..is always repeating itself

I also went to meet my favourite best friends.. Kate and Sidney. I like them a lot. But I fear to be a third wheel, the outsider I always am. They always laugh at my jokes and are always there when I need them. They are, without a doubt. my favourite people.

These are just ramblings, folks. My happiness ain’t complete until I spread it around. It’s like a little bird caught in my heart, it was meant to fly =)

So sleep thight. I’ll see you on the other side =P

woman in calm water

What do you say?

Sunshine

It’s early morning. It’s a beautiful day. I come out quietly, moving slowly, treading carefully. My eyes are tired of the insomnia but the sleep doesn’t come so easy now a days. I lay awake thinking of the mistakes I make, rethinking strategies in my head, going back to the faint memories I relish, and by the time I barely understand my thoughts, night leaves and day comes along. So I just get up, tie my hair gone wild around me, and leave the room

I come out and sit on one of the plastic chairs lying around in the lawn. I see Jimmy breathing lightly on the ground. Maybe he couldn’t sleep either. He’s our dog. He’s my silent friend. Every now and then we sit together and stare into the air. He thinks, I think. Neither of us say anything but I can feel those thought clouds hung in the air, hovering over our heads, and then that one cloud that connects us, wonder what he’s thinking..wonder what she’s thinking…

So here I am again, sitting next to him. He stares into the air, and I do the same. I have nothing to say to you, no words to explain what I feel. So I take refuge in explaining the world around me, the blue sky, the green lawn, the gray veranda, the brown dog, my green chair, my maroon clothes, my chocolate hair, our white car. For what do you say when you don’t have them right words, what do you say when you find out that every insecurity and doubt you ever had were true, what do you say when you break a promise with fate? She made you alone, kept you alone, so do Her a favour and stop fighting a battle you can never win. She gets what’s She wants. And She always wanted you on your own.

So come on, let’s read a book. Write a poem or sketch a tree. Pick up your bag let’s go for a walk. What do you say?

 

walking away with dog