It’s early morning. It’s a beautiful day. I come out quietly, moving slowly, treading carefully. My eyes are tired of the insomnia but the sleep doesn’t come so easy now a days. I lay awake thinking of the mistakes I make, rethinking strategies in my head, going back to the faint memories I relish, and by the time I barely understand my thoughts, night leaves and day comes along. So I just get up, tie my hair gone wild around me, and leave the room
I come out and sit on one of the plastic chairs lying around in the lawn. I see Jimmy breathing lightly on the ground. Maybe he couldn’t sleep either. He’s our dog. He’s my silent friend. Every now and then we sit together and stare into the air. He thinks, I think. Neither of us say anything but I can feel those thought clouds hung in the air, hovering over our heads, and then that one cloud that connects us, wonder what he’s thinking..wonder what she’s thinking…
So here I am again, sitting next to him. He stares into the air, and I do the same. I have nothing to say to you, no words to explain what I feel. So I take refuge in explaining the world around me, the blue sky, the green lawn, the gray veranda, the brown dog, my green chair, my maroon clothes, my chocolate hair, our white car. For what do you say when you don’t have them right words, what do you say when you find out that every insecurity and doubt you ever had were true, what do you say when you break a promise with fate? She made you alone, kept you alone, so do Her a favour and stop fighting a battle you can never win. She gets what’s She wants. And She always wanted you on your own.
So come on, let’s read a book. Write a poem or sketch a tree. Pick up your bag let’s go for a walk. What do you say?