Life’s not sad and twisted all the time. Wedged right between the dull and the bad are some pretty satisfying times in life of a loner. Happy even, if one understands what that really is. Just go to the bank, get all the credit card problem fixed. Get the other card the ATM ate last night. Come back home and after food shut the blinds, wrap yourself in a comforter and watch House Md on your pc placed on your table at just the right distance from your bed. Then switch on the soft yellow twinkle lights hanging all around in your room. Switch off your cell, and shut the door. There’s no one in the corridor to stomp around and interrupt your drama time. All the issues of the day have been resolved. There’s nothing to study for as yet. Your assignments are all done. You’re going home to meet your parents in a short while.
~Life’s good, ey !!~
Seriously speaking, I am not a resentful person. I might not forget things but if a person talks to me in a good way once after being foul a thousand times, I reciprocate with thrice the politeness. I have changed a lot but I haven’t become a really bad person, as yet. Foul mouthed bitter straightforward wacko…yes.. but not bad. I pray that doesn’t happen (btw)
But people will not fail to amaze me. And once again I bang my head on the wall. My instincts..are always correct. My first decisions and perceptions..are always true. Believe me.. I don’t like to flatter myself but the term always is heavily applicable.
But why do I go wrong time and again?
I give them a chance
….they blow it
If you deny or ignore something for so long it starts to feel true and gets incorporated in yourself. Just start pushing all them limits and your mind will start making excuses for you. We all justify doing what we do and then time comes..we don’t even need that call from the inside
And I’m tired and angry and tired. There are not many things left in the world that I care about and that scares me. I don’t care if my grades go down, I don’t care if my dress is stained, I don’t care if I look like an idiot in these trousers. I don’t care if there is stuff going on in college, at my place, back in my home. If I have friends if I don’t. It just doesn’t matter. I get up. Go around the world. Come back. Stair at the walls. Yada yada yada
What I do is, I don’t talk about what’s bothering me. I don’t write about what’s bothering me. And couple of days ago.. I blew at something some friend did. It crossed the limits of my tolerance. And I was at loss. Talk to whom? I didn’t wanna talk to anyone closer. I can’t. I called up my neighbour four years back and I blew up on the phone.
And all I know is lets just.. get up and go on. It doesn’t matter what I do or what I become. Being virtual is a cross I have to bear.
Afterall it was my choice