Balderdash Thoughts, Medicine: Year 3

It’s a muddled up head I have up here

If you deny or ignore something for so long it starts to feel true and gets incorporated in yourself. Just start pushing all them limits and your mind will start making excuses for you. We all justify doing what we do and then time comes..we don’t even need that call from the inside

And I’m tired and angry and tired. There are not many things left in the world that I care about and that scares me. I don’t care if my grades go down, I don’t care if my dress is stained, I don’t care if I look like an idiot in these trousers. I don’t care if there is stuff going on in college, at my place, back in my home. If I have friends if I don’t. It just doesn’t matter. I get up. Go around the world. Come back. Stair at the walls. Yada yada yada

What I do is, I don’t talk about what’s bothering me. I don’t write about what’s bothering me. And couple of days ago.. I blew at something some friend did. It crossed the limits of my tolerance. And I was at loss. Talk to whom? I didn’t wanna talk to anyone closer. I can’t. I called up my neighbour four years back and I blew up on the phone.

And all I know is lets just.. get up and go on. It doesn’t matter what I do or what I become. Being virtual is a cross I have to bear.

Afterall it was my choice

The book theif

 

 

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6 thoughts on “It’s a muddled up head I have up here”

  1. Haibar,

    I was surprised to see all your comments and likes when I woke up this morning. I haven’t been the keenest blogger and I haven’t been able to find the time to read and follow the blogs of others. Yet, I do get a smile when I find that a person finds my blogs interesting enough to follow.

    If I had the time, I would take a look at all of your posts, but for now I simply wanted to give you an overall response, as you took the time to do so with mine.

    As you seem to have an appetite for poetry and literature, I have written the following for you:

    صديق

    Kindred spirit of mine, with equal emotions, emotions divine –
    How human we are in our honesty, entrapped by our deceit –
    Can you see what I am feeling? Can you know me in a glance?
    Is it me to whom I speak? Is it you whom I wish to reach?

    “Tu me manques, mon ami.” Il a été trop longue.
    Où est mon innocence allé? Ce qui a été laissé à sa place?

    Ada’tu tareeqi. Hal beemkanek mosa’adati?

    Sincerely, J.

  2. You are not alone dear. I guess we go through these phases from time to time.
    But yes. It’s a good idea to keep going at it. Getting up and going on…
    Best wishes with you

    1. Um.. how do yer know by the way? You don’t know no pahses of my life ey now do yer..?

      Sorry. I just get irritated at this thing. We don’t know what the other peson goes through. Who knows I might really be alone. Just because it is usually the dominant cliche doesn’t mean it is so in this case

      Don’t mistake my tone fer rudeness. I understand what you mean. I just had ter clarify

      Thanks fer the comment !

      1. no worries dear. I was only talking about me when I said we :) what you wrote resonated well with me as I go through these phases. and here when I say these, I am only talking about my experience with my phases :) I have been away from blog reading for a long time hence really have no idea what people have been blogging about. I just saw your blog on the reader and I had the urge to comment.
        cheers

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