I’ve had people as my friends. Few, but yes, there have been some. And I have always observed the exact same pattern with all of them, since I have been the same person and have attracted the exact same kind of people. Amazing people. Everyone was different. They were all strange and exotic in one way or the other. They all took a little something from me and left me with a little bit of them. Sometimes I don’t think I am this one person with my own thoughts or personality. It feels as if all those people made my persona and all those books fed my thoughts and imagination. Just when I think I am tired of the same thing over and over, something does actually happen.. I thought it only did so in movies and books. Lol
One thing has happened consistently all my life. I’ve never had anyone stand up for me or defend me. One might think it’s because I don’t do so either..but no..I’m a pretty aggressive and strongly opinionated person. Hell I have defended my enemies, in the literal sense of the word. But I don’t know how it feels to have someone defend you, back you up when someone isn’t your blood relative. When they have no real motive nor reason to do so, I have never known that feeling, except once. I had stopped longing for it..for as far as I can remember
And just, fifteen minutes earlier.. I had friend help me. Just for the sake of helping me. I had a friend..think of me as a person, not a frigid pile of flesh and bones.
Well. As much as I don’t want this event to go to my head, it still feels a little good. A little nice. Like holding a small chick in my hand. Have you ever held one? It’s soft and light and fragile…and so yellow
(Title: Rainbow Rowell’s Attachments)