Balderdash Thoughts, Medicine: Year 4

Better left unsaid, better left unfelt

up in the air

I spent an hour writing..everything. Pouring my anger into my laptop and editing it and constructing all those sentences and blah blah blah blah and a second before I was going to hit send.. I just stopped. Not today. Not now.

Have you ever felt so consumed with anger and hatred and total helplessness that your hands tremble and your eyes blur? The bad part is..that like before..it doesn’t pass ! It stays ! Boring deep into you and threatening to reach the core and blast you to pieces, or it stays like a burning ulcer which you know will remain for a long time

And the night comes and you sleep, and when you wake up in the morning..it’s still not gone. That taste of venom and acid is still in your mouth..

It’s a first for me. The other day my friend said that my anger lasted twenty minutes, that when I wake up, I forget the very name of the person I had a quarrel with. And it is true. But this morning when I woke up, it didn’t feel that way. I wanted to hurt and claw at someone. Just so the fire would go. But it stayed, the entire morning, the entire noon and part of the evening

And then I saw the face of the person I was angry at. And then I saw that face for good ten minutes in my head..and suddenly it all went away. The burn, the fire. It just isn’t worth it. Normally I give up at these things because I do not have the stamina nor the time to hold grudges or fight with people anymore. But this time I let a thing go because I had lost all the feelings of friendship I ever had, all the concern from my heart. Why do we feel hurt? Because we care. Indifference is the worse form of hatred for me. I’d rather fight all day with a friend than feel nothing at all. And how sad it is ! But we all have it coming to us. There is a limit to which a person can be pushed. Once, twice, thrice..so many times

And now as I read again the thing I was going to post earlier, I burst out laughing. Oh come on ! Grow up! Life’s too short to waste on people who don’t matter and things that don’t count ! We all know that yet we insist on indulging in all the crap in the world. *groan*

I have a research paper to write, a room to clean, a mother to call, a friend to bark on, a book to read, a party to attend and a big exam to prepare for.

Backstabbers don’t get a share in my life for today

And as for tomorrow..

Oye vey..

flying with happiness

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8 thoughts on “Better left unsaid, better left unfelt”

  1. I can actually feel what you are saying here. Something happened to me before and before that… But you are right we got so many things to do, so many people who love us, who stood by us why should we waste our lives on people who don’t want us in theirs.
    But one thing that I would like very much is that they should learn somehow that what they did wasn’t very nice. And we get to see that transformation.
    Good luck with you life and ignore those who block your focus.

    1. I would normally discard all that you said since I’ve heard and said it so many times and just get to that one thing..
      hey, what happened?

      but it’s all cool. Thanks a lot for stopping by =) !!

        1. Hey ! No no no !
          Come on, luv. I am sorry if it came out wrong. You are most welcome to share absolutely anything. What I meant was..we all say these things, I’ve said them on my blog and elsewhere a thousand times but what really matters is the story that is closer to your heart. And I wish I knew what it was. (not here in front of everyone of course)

          No hard feelings, hon. You’re welcome to waste all my time ;)

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