Balderdash Thoughts

I am not allowed to be afraid.

I have written about my heart being heavy, I have written about it being broken. I have written about being happy, I have written about being content. For anyone who ever cared and to whomsoever it ever concerened...I have written it all. And then I stopped, for I had no new feelings to talk about,… Continue reading I am not allowed to be afraid.

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Balderdash Thoughts

Prayer for tonight

I have a very heavy heart today. Right now, as I sit by my window and the wind blows through my incredibly wet hair, I feel a burden weighing me down. What do I tell you? I have no words you haven't heard before.   Sometimes, the only way to move forward is to kill… Continue reading Prayer for tonight

Balderdash Thoughts, Incidents

Standing Still

I wonder how stubborn and rubbery some of us are. How truly incorrigible. Unbreakable, infinite. History comes and goes, time and again, repeating itself, punishing us for the same mistakes over and over and we still stand there. Tall as ever, been hit so many times but still alive; breathing, smiling, laughing. It's that permanent… Continue reading Standing Still

Balderdash Thoughts, Medicine: Year 4

Que sera sera..

Sometimes I feel I am way too old to be whining about friends. The moment I start my brain back-flips as the same thoughts hit me and it feels so tiring to go round and round the same circle. I literally feel a bolus of vomit stuck in my gut and one in my head.… Continue reading Que sera sera..

Incidents, Medicine: Year 4

What’s your Room No. ?

Why is it that moving crowds make me feel so horribly crippled and so devastatingly stranded? Stay there for a minute or two and see them all moving on, while you are waiting for that one thing. Standing, invisible and unseen amongst everyone you know. Low self-esteem? Nah, sometimes it's just a simple observation So… Continue reading What’s your Room No. ?

Balderdash Thoughts

“We can try to avoid making bad choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.”

Oh God.. I have made a lot of bad choices in my life. I have taken a lot of bad decisions. Sometimes it suddenly hits you in the face, and it hits you hard.. Why do I wanna change when I am what I am? Why do I wanna run away for people who don't give… Continue reading “We can try to avoid making bad choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.”

Incidents, Medicine: Year 3

Cleopatra and Alexandria and Sawyer in my Fortress of Solitude

Now who are these three additions to my sweet sweet life? These are the some really persistent visitors. To understand them one really has to understand a bit about my room I chose it on an impulse. All my friends including Sidney and Kate got rooms in this really secluded corridor and wanted me to… Continue reading Cleopatra and Alexandria and Sawyer in my Fortress of Solitude

Balderdash Thoughts, Medicine: Year 3

Pick a card, any card

  So it all comes down to this. Making a choice. Getting to a decision. Turning iron heart and let that hate enter your veins again. God, it hasn't been so long since my blood was all clean.. Three years, I have had three years now. Blogging my life away. Writing stories, making up poems,… Continue reading Pick a card, any card

Balderdash Thoughts

Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.

Life's not sad and twisted all the time. Wedged right between the dull and the bad are some pretty satisfying times in life of a loner. Happy even, if one understands what that really is. Just go to the bank, get all the credit card problem fixed. Get the other card the ATM ate last… Continue reading Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.