Phase II

I Understand Now What My Mom Meant by ‘Books will ruin your brain’

Sometimes I start talking and stop because a voice inside begs me to (not a ‘voice’, voice). I see the look at the other person(s) face and my tongue slips a little. That is my cue to stop talking. And then suddenly I am tired. Then I just feel like being quiet for the rest… Continue reading I Understand Now What My Mom Meant by ‘Books will ruin your brain’

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Phase II

Ode to Idiots

This post is full of shameless self praise and big-headedness,with a score of judgement on every living soul I have met. Those who take offense easy, You've been warned. I am creature of impulse, not of calculation. There was once a time I regretted it, but now I don’t. When I was very young I… Continue reading Ode to Idiots

Balderdash Thoughts

The Dummy Song

I am at the same point in my life when I know exactly what I wanna write about but am reluctant to do so because of the inappropriateness of the matter. That point when I know of the exact feelings and thoughts I want to let go of, but am unable to do so out… Continue reading The Dummy Song

Balderdash Thoughts

Prayer for tonight

I have a very heavy heart today. Right now, as I sit by my window and the wind blows through my incredibly wet hair, I feel a burden weighing me down. What do I tell you? I have no words you haven't heard before.   Sometimes, the only way to move forward is to kill… Continue reading Prayer for tonight

Balderdash Thoughts, Incidents

“It was not so much that he was shut out, but that she was trapped inside”

SO my friend sends me sends me an audio message this morning about how de-sensitized he thinks he has become for a period of time, how disconnected from everything and distant from everyone. I listen to the message, my upper lip curls and look around for a while. I don't remember the last time I… Continue reading “It was not so much that he was shut out, but that she was trapped inside”

Balderdash Thoughts, Incidents

Standing Still

I wonder how stubborn and rubbery some of us are. How truly incorrigible. Unbreakable, infinite. History comes and goes, time and again, repeating itself, punishing us for the same mistakes over and over and we still stand there. Tall as ever, been hit so many times but still alive; breathing, smiling, laughing. It's that permanent… Continue reading Standing Still

Balderdash Thoughts, Medicine: Year 4

Que sera sera..

Sometimes I feel I am way too old to be whining about friends. The moment I start my brain back-flips as the same thoughts hit me and it feels so tiring to go round and round the same circle. I literally feel a bolus of vomit stuck in my gut and one in my head.… Continue reading Que sera sera..

Balderdash Thoughts, Incidents, Medicine: Year 4

“Okay, what does ‘okay mean?” “It means, okay, I hear you.”

I've had people as my friends. Few, but yes, there have been some. And I have always observed the exact same pattern with all of them, since I have been the same person and have attracted the exact same kind of people. Amazing people. Everyone was different. They were all strange and exotic in one… Continue reading “Okay, what does ‘okay mean?” “It means, okay, I hear you.”

Balderdash Thoughts, Medicine: Year 4

It’s just the strangest thing, I’ve seen your face somewhere…

I am tired to my bones running into the same kind of people every day and every night. Wherever I turn, I see the same faces, same pointless drivel flowing from their lips and it makes my stomach turn. I see them reading the same worthless books, quoting the same quotes, wearing the same expressions… Continue reading It’s just the strangest thing, I’ve seen your face somewhere…

30th Novembers

30th November (III)

I like testing people. I do it all the time. Everyday. Every other moment. Sometimes its obvious. Sometimes it's subtle. Sometimes I get them to fail, no matter what. My test, My rules. It's a crazy world up in my head. Why ramble on into a huge story of what happened or what didn't? It… Continue reading 30th November (III)