Back to Basics

Sitting on steps

There’s a little something I call…Back To Basics. It is basically the assumption that we all become that one person in our life when we are, about somethings in ourselves, all we could be. And it happens when we are young. And then times pass we grow up. Incorporate all those changes and experience in us..but then again..comes a point once or more, when we slowly revert back to that place and pretty much become that person lost somewhere deep in the synapses of our brain and the layers of our skin. I don’t know.

I was sitting with Kate on the entrance steps, we both were wearing the most casual, really old, ready-to-be-torn-next-time-we-wear-it clothes, weather hot and stuffy, books surrounding us, laughing at a sudden thing that’ll pop up from some drug, reminding us one thing or the other. And pretty much making a mockery of everything Pharmacology stands for..

And I loved it. I came back, dropped my books on the floor and fell face down on the bed. My long legs dangling over the edge and welcoming the breeze from the window over my sweaty back.

There are a lot of things that dictate our existence and our personalities. Wanting something doesn’t mean it’s right for us or it will stick. Some people are meant to be a little different, a little alone, a little sad and a little crazy. Call it cowardly explanations but sometimes these are the only answers there are.

So tonight when Kate asked me why I wouldn’t text back to my little cousin who, Kate doesn’t know, used to be my best sister before she moved away to a whole new country with her family and went on being even happier than she ever was with a lame old soul like mine..

..all I could say was..aye..she’s better off without me

 

skipping-rocks

It is just one of those feelings I have

Peace has its own forms. Love has its own states. Understanding comes in many varieties and realization… is of many strains…

I don’t know.. what sitting on the back seat of a car does to me. I have no idea. It just makes me something so deep and so sober. Even happy.. I may have cried sitting back there. But the tears would’ve been of realization or understanding. Never regret. Seldom pain. Travelling brings out so much in me.. Or maybe because I have time to sit back and think. Receding into my own.. Somewhere in the corner of my mind. Somewhere deep in my purple heart.

And here again. I sit. And I sit. Legs so comfortably resting (mind you I am very tall). And my brain is back on its old track. Thoughts, memories, stories, imagination. All cropping up and muddling. But the better thing is that life is so new now. Life is so changed. There are new memories to think of. There are newer people to ponder on. Thoughts are new. It is a newer me. It is a happier me. It is the crazier me.. It is the healed me.

I look as the places well-known and paths well-travelled zoom past me. I have been travelling here and back for a decade or so. This is where I belong. This is what home is like. Maybe.

The best part is as I close my eyes and think I know I am so loved so deeply. The place I am heading to is milling with people who adore me. Who consider me as a part of their lives. People I have grown up with. I maybe know them. Maybe I don’t.. but all I know is that I have seeing these eyes for a long time in my life. I just love them..

I’ll go, shake hand with my kids. They’ll grab my pc and demand the stuff brought for them. Elder cousins will ask me about my studies and show me their dresses ( I’m a girl mind you) Elder boys who used to play football and volleyball and because of my pathetic fielding put me as the cricket Umpire.. will smile and nod at me and move away. Because we are grown ups. Because they are stuck up guys and I am an egoistic girl.. Bam they have forgotten how cute I used to be with them. Planning attacks and pranks. But they had to become sick guys and I know how many of them have a BIG time crush on me… Lol the problem is that they have never met anybody quite like me… Nor have you (mind you)

I can talk all day. My cousin handed me a half-eaten packet of Lays. I do the same by the way. I smile at him and jest him of being a big time idiot-brother. He answers back and I frown and stick my tongue out. I am all pink. I am all blue. I feel yellow and I feel brown. Before I slip further away into these muddy thoughts I thank my God for so much. I don’t know who’s prayers are being heard. You know.. I am not supposed to be happy..

Never mind =)