Standing Still

against the wind

I wonder how stubborn and rubbery some of us are. How truly incorrigible. Unbreakable, infinite. History comes and goes, time and again, repeating itself, punishing us for the same mistakes over and over and we still stand there. Tall as ever, been hit so many times but still alive; breathing, smiling, laughing.

It’s that permanent stage of deja vu. That ‘been there, done that’ situation that makes it impossible to savour a moment of peace or pain. How many times have you been in and out of a hospital, lugging around with your loved ones, putting on a brave face. How many times have you stood besides them and known that they were not gonna make it but you still hope that some miracle would save them, make them young again and take all the disease away from them. How many times have you stood in-front of the mirror, praying the same thing for yourself.

Well, I am in a waiting room myself. Again. Praying for another loved one, one that actually gave birth to me. Praying she makes it. Praying some miracle would come and suck all the pain and anger from her. Make her young again. Praying I had someone right now to sit besides, even silently so. Just to know someone is there. I don’t wanna hold hands, nor do I wish for a shoulder to lean on. I have no one to do so either, so that takes care of it.

And when she dies, and I’m hit again. I know I’d still be here. Alive. And I’ll laugh and smile and breathe too. And you’ll never know just what I’ve been through. Just like now.

 

No. 49

November 2009

Gee It has been so long.. Lost the poetry thingy. Have to revive it. Mission semi-possible! Aye!

People assume I know nothing,
That I’m deaf, dumb and blind
A wreck,
But, ah, not someone benign…
 
But hear I can..
That terrible sound
That silent screaming
Of those torturous eyes
 
But see I can..
The thirst the lust
The unending hunger
Of their prodigal hands
 
But talk I can
To those decaying objects
To the minds and hearts
Of the lost they neglect
 
The voices, they clash in my brain,
And oh clamour, it never departs
The venom, it runs through my veins
And the pain dissolves my heart
 
 
People ‘know’ it, ah, so they say
I’m deaf, dumb and blind..
Or (you ‘know’) Just a patient 
of Special Ward No. 49….