“Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire”

How do you tell someone that you hate them? Look them straight in the eye and blurt out that you despise their very existence? How do you say, that their pettiness bores you, that their presence brings you no charm, nothing at all. That it is worse that being numb, worse than being paralyzed..worse than being in a coma itself.

You sleep on it, you pack your bags and go on a trip. You cut all modes of communication. Anything that would change how you feel. You meditate. You learn about spirit and you learn about life, you cleanse your body and soul and just as you return from that godforsaken journey..a blow smashes into your gut and makes you double. Nothing has changed. You feel exactly the same, those faces provoke the same exact feelings, those exact feelings of disgust, anger and loathing. Them you loved for so long have a such a distorted image now, you don’t see them anymore.  A despicable numbness spreads all over your body and you run out, gasping for air

 

What do you do, ey? What do you do now?

 

(Title: Quote by Kurt Tucholsky )

Curses bring the worlds down

I tell you it ain’t easy as it sounds
To pack your feelings and turn around
First its just bad pain
A hard blow
Lots of tears and hurt
A poison spreading slow
Then the time passes
Cruelly ticking on
Venom reaches your heart
Poor thing long gone
So I pack my stuff and leave town
and sigh as you shut me away
I won’t talk if you ask me to
But there’s one thing I say
You broke it once you broke it twice
This time fear the poison heart’s vice 
It might be not as easy as it sounds
But Honey
Curses have brought worlds down..
 
 
Black eye
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Relieved is a strange thing to say – you really don’t feel that.

sitting with flowers

I am sitting on the stairs at my Uncle’s huge place. Feeling the light coming through the glass pane windows. I like it here. The damp smell, the empty house. Mom’s out. Sometimes I wish she didn’t have to do all the chores and I could do it for her but then.. we are two distant yet so close people. I don’t know her heart. She doesn’t know mine

After grandpa’s death last week, house is all silent and sad. Nobody told me about his death until Friday when I came from college back home and asked about him and Mom said..honey he’s dead. He had cancer, that I knew.

I remember when my grand dad died. My dadabu. And how that broke me. Through and through. He was my best pal. My mentor. One person who knew all the answers. He was old school, loved all his grandsons. Never much liked the girls. But I was the one girl in the whole family everyone said he loved. They said we were like friends. And I realized that very late..

So I am still sitting here. I won the interclass creative writing competition a week ago. And now I found out I came 2nd in the intercollege competition too. Kind of feels strange. I used to be the type that would spread happiness to the ends of the world once it came to me. I lost my cell. And then maybe nobody really needs to know.

It’s just, we all have thoughts and dreams and ideas. People and friends and foes. And sometimes it’s confusing. What to like what to love. What to hold on and What to hold tight. Turn your back on whom and let who go away. It’s a strange world and a very tricky journey..

happy glasses

Throwing away

It doesn’t take very long for a small scratch to turn into a bruise. All bruises don’t heal, all wounds don’t turn into scars and fade away. I might be talking pure medicine here but you know when things come from some unnamed corner of your mind or brain which we term things like ‘heart’. Heart is just a popular symbol. Whatever it is, I just wanna throw my cellphone away. Piece of junk has given me more tears than smiles