Stood watching that blank paper
With girls screaming outside
Happiness, glee or madness
Nor I nor They could decide
While talks went loud and long
A word my pen didn’t say
They laughed themselves into oblivion
And I tore my paper away
Peace has its own forms. Love has its own states. Understanding comes in many varieties and realization… is of many strains…
I don’t know.. what sitting on the back seat of a car does to me. I have no idea. It just makes me something so deep and so sober. Even happy.. I may have cried sitting back there. But the tears would’ve been of realization or understanding. Never regret. Seldom pain. Travelling brings out so much in me.. Or maybe because I have time to sit back and think. Receding into my own.. Somewhere in the corner of my mind. Somewhere deep in my purple heart.
And here again. I sit. And I sit. Legs so comfortably resting (mind you I am very tall). And my brain is back on its old track. Thoughts, memories, stories, imagination. All cropping up and muddling. But the better thing is that life is so new now. Life is so changed. There are new memories to think of. There are newer people to ponder on. Thoughts are new. It is a newer me. It is a happier me. It is the crazier me.. It is the healed me.
I look as the places well-known and paths well-travelled zoom past me. I have been travelling here and back for a decade or so. This is where I belong. This is what home is like. Maybe.
The best part is as I close my eyes and think I know I am so loved so deeply. The place I am heading to is milling with people who adore me. Who consider me as a part of their lives. People I have grown up with. I maybe know them. Maybe I don’t.. but all I know is that I have seeing these eyes for a long time in my life. I just love them..
I’ll go, shake hand with my kids. They’ll grab my pc and demand the stuff brought for them. Elder cousins will ask me about my studies and show me their dresses ( I’m a girl mind you) Elder boys who used to play football and volleyball and because of my pathetic fielding put me as the cricket Umpire.. will smile and nod at me and move away. Because we are grown ups. Because they are stuck up guys and I am an egoistic girl.. Bam they have forgotten how cute I used to be with them. Planning attacks and pranks. But they had to become sick guys and I know how many of them have a BIG time crush on me… Lol the problem is that they have never met anybody quite like me… Nor have you (mind you)
I can talk all day. My cousin handed me a half-eaten packet of Lays. I do the same by the way. I smile at him and jest him of being a big time idiot-brother. He answers back and I frown and stick my tongue out. I am all pink. I am all blue. I feel yellow and I feel brown. Before I slip further away into these muddy thoughts I thank my God for so much. I don’t know who’s prayers are being heard. You know.. I am not supposed to be happy..
Never mind =)