I was looking at the horizon

I was standing at the edge of a cliff. Ah. This cliff. I have been driving over this road whole of my life, but never stopped at this edge to look at this rushing water spitting foam. Cold. Yes it was cold. I looked at my bare feet barely noticing the cold biting through them, glancing at them and back at the roaring water. Some vain thought compelled me to sit down over the rough edge, with my legs dangling outward, my hands resting in my lap.

I feel so cold.. so cold. That’s the only thing, the only feeling I was yet aware of. Then I pulled my legs closer and wrapped myself over them. Rocking back and forth. Back and forth. Now I feel bad. And the wind blows around me.. Not caressing me but hitting my bare face like iron. This cruelty stings me. My swollen eyes get filled with tears. Rubbing my eyes over my knees I bury myself in my skirt, muffling my cries, for the waters had gone quiet to listen me. Stopped to look at me. Like everyone else they just stared and then moved on. And it wasn’t like I always made a show of myself… My feelings remained in me until some really good player coaxed them out.. And people whom I let in… were generally flawless players…

And the wind blew even harder, so I cried harder, for I could not stop. I had given up. My brain felt wounded bleeding… My feet were raw of the running I had done all the way…Since when did this cheery healer become so bruised? Since when did this girl feel so much for herself? Aye? I hated these questions that were cropping up. I hated what was happening to me… Everybody I love was lost… no… it was my love that was lost. Was it really gone? It meant… I was nothing? But.. but.. cold? too cold

Stuttering I got up, my face was dry and I was looking at the horizon. I took a step back, and my foot slipped. As I fell I saw a man with his hand outstretched. He was here.. here to pull me back.