The Light The Dark

the dark and the light

When the light is dim, all weak and frail
It tells us the very outline, I hear
Whether it’s a man, a hound or a fly
Someone who knocks to enter my lair
But they say the brightness shows it all
The colour the shade the love and hate
The hound that stood, the man who crouched
The trick imitation that granted the pass
They fall at the hallway, some get a bit ahead
They walk they stumble, they run they fall
Nevertheless they never get too far
In the house of a Stygian relict
It makes me return to darkness and think
Their Light brought them here, light made them knock
My Darkness caught up and swallowed the damned lot
Halves of the same whole, white and black
Partners and lovers, divided to trick
 I sit and smile at the nature’s game
And as I lean back, laughing up so hard
Light bursts through the window and death does me part

 

Aye to my thoughts

Sitting and looking

Giving up writing is like giving up breathing. And there are times when you don’t want to breathe at all. But you can’t just stop breathing if you want to.. and I can’t stop writing even if that one remote part of me might ever want to. Even if there is no one to read out there (I doubt that though =D)

It’s beautiful. That light in the heart. That tiny bubble of hope that is all yellow…That keeps you company in the loneliest of hours, keeps you going in the darkest of times. I feel that. I feel that tentative glow and I feel the smile coming on to my lips without forcing it for the sake of others. And the genuine laughter so afraid..what if the next moment I do something and this bubble of happiness bursts.. plunging me back into the venom that compels me to shun everyone who dares come closer. I don’t know. Bathed in this light my heart feels like a tiny fluttering sparrow.

But you know what..it’s just the tricks of time. Up and down and down and up.. I have been down for a while.. A little up won’t hurt…

See ya =)

fluttering heart

Relieved is a strange thing to say – you really don’t feel that.

sitting with flowers

I am sitting on the stairs at my Uncle’s huge place. Feeling the light coming through the glass pane windows. I like it here. The damp smell, the empty house. Mom’s out. Sometimes I wish she didn’t have to do all the chores and I could do it for her but then.. we are two distant yet so close people. I don’t know her heart. She doesn’t know mine

After grandpa’s death last week, house is all silent and sad. Nobody told me about his death until Friday when I came from college back home and asked about him and Mom said..honey he’s dead. He had cancer, that I knew.

I remember when my grand dad died. My dadabu. And how that broke me. Through and through. He was my best pal. My mentor. One person who knew all the answers. He was old school, loved all his grandsons. Never much liked the girls. But I was the one girl in the whole family everyone said he loved. They said we were like friends. And I realized that very late..

So I am still sitting here. I won the interclass creative writing competition a week ago. And now I found out I came 2nd in the intercollege competition too. Kind of feels strange. I used to be the type that would spread happiness to the ends of the world once it came to me. I lost my cell. And then maybe nobody really needs to know.

It’s just, we all have thoughts and dreams and ideas. People and friends and foes. And sometimes it’s confusing. What to like what to love. What to hold on and What to hold tight. Turn your back on whom and let who go away. It’s a strange world and a very tricky journey..

happy glasses

It is better to light just one little candle, then to stumble in the dark

There is light; yes. I have spent two days in the hall, lying on the sofa because I am too sick to move around. Watching movies and reading books to pass the time from dawn till dusk. I am glad I got sick. I am glad I read so much and saw such great stuff.

You know, there is darkness all around the world, oh yes. You read the paper, you watch the tv. You go around in public..You see people backstabbing each other, you see people shooting and killing. You see blood. You see pain. Sometimes I feel the Earth crying beneath me. When I see the red skies I feel that scare tearing through my heart…

But that is the thing about the wrong, that is the thing about it being so prevalent. You know what… the darkness spreads around. It masks all that is beneath. It can manipulate, it can divide. It can scare and it can change things that took ages to build. It can shake the foundations. Yes, hatred can, deceit can, betrayal can, that gunshot that sucks the life out of you..that can

But you know the thing about light…you know the thing about hope…you know the thing about the good…. It is far greater than all the things that tend to destroy the soul in us. And it is its greatness that makes it so hard to achieve. Because to have it, you have to want it and be worthy of it. Don’t tell me the world is a rotting rat. Don’t tell me the world created is a sheer fallacy, don’t tell me God looks at this planet and sighs at His creation. No. No. No. There is so much light in the hearts. The light that is holding this world together. Let it be your smile, let it be mine. It is there. Something much more beautiful, something that surpasses all the sins and the eclipse you see

I am not being blindly optimistic. They shit in the world. They do things in the universe that are unimaginable and unforgivable. Who knows what hell fell on you, who knows what a blessed life I live. But if We all are given a choice to suffer each others pain.. we will all choose what we have and be on our way

Everything seems to be a secret, every game fixed before it is played, every person deceitful and every gesture fake and superfluous. I am not saying these things don’t exist.. I am not saying world is a very much better place to leave in. But you know what. This is the only place we have. You live once. Nobody stays forever. What if you cannot go out and change the world, what if circumstances cripple you to do so. I wanna go in my coffin knowing that the life I lived, no matter how much tainted it was, no matter what I saw and suffered of, if ever did, that I built something in me. I had that light in my heart. I made myself into someone worth being. I don’t wanna hand my soul away because it died way before it left my body. If my death brought one true tear in someone’s eye, or if my life brought anything good to somebody..

Believe me.

I would have lived it all

But then of courseThere could be more to it =)

Savvy =D

Outward bound

I am not a poet. I can only read poetry (which I extensively do). I write non rhyming curt pieces. But this one caught my eye while cleaning my closet. I don’t like this one.. I can write it well in prose..

@2009, January maybe

I have this feeling
The feeling so great
To kill that crawling insect
That one moving away

Here in my prison cell
Here in this cage
I feel poison and venom
I feel so much hate

That meager insect,
The one crawling away
Has everything I yearn for
And everything I pray

It can move away, free and unbound
It can face the world, without guilt or a doubt
And I stay here, bound and gagged
And I fight off the light coming through that crack

The light stings my eyes,
And tells me it is day
In the world that made it all dark for me,
In the world I have no say

The desire hits me once again
And I wish I had a stick or a stone
Or even a limb on my crippled body
To hit it before its gone

I fall on the ground, a debilated invalid,
and far from the one moving in the day.
And watch, with eyes clogged and weary,
The creature blocking the ray…