Top of the roof to ya

I got up early. Checked my cellphone, grabbed a shawl by my bed and wrapped it around me. I had left the window open as I dozed off late last night and my face was very cold. I rubbed it with my hands, slipped on my slippers and quietly went out. Just needed some fresh air

I was hoping that the doors to the roof of my building weren’t locked because I seriously needed to see some clear sky. And viola they weren’t. I went on and sat on cold concrete. This is my secret place. It’s close to heart

I used to take my journal with me when I went to my secret spot at home, top stairs facing a locked door and the place had a damp smell I love. This place also smells something like that. It is the concrete or cement I guess. But now I just come when I want, without a paper or a pen. Some feelings are too deep and personal to be recorded and left on for someone to read after you die. That’s why I write a journal. I wanna leave a solid mark for someone I truly love. But these emotions are too simple and too fragile for anyone’s eyes. I keep them to myself.

So, I sat. Inhaling the wind of the busy city while it was clean, before the city woke up. I was happy. Those little bubbles of happiness were forming in my heart and popping at the very same time. Words were slowly buzzing at the back of my mind. It wasn’t an uneasy feeling. It felt good.

Half an hour I sat. Thinking of all sorts of people and all sorts of memories. Pain makes me who I am.. I need it to feel myself or I’ll drift far far away. But all it takes is one word to make me happy, one gust of wind to forget all the sorrows and one pure gesture to break in all those walls.

I could see the roads and the shops and the huge institution past my building as I sat..with a content feeling nervously nudging into my heart. Happiness? Ahan. Slightly marred, yes. It has been a while I was just so truly happy. But it’s okay. Raw happiness seems unreal, you know. Besides we human can never be really happy. We will always whine for one thing or the other. Look at me. Rolling eyes

So after the traffic started to build up and the horns started blowing and the slight tinge of smoke filled the air as the sun came out to glare at me pointedly, I got up and slowly started to walk down the stairs. One of those days and times when I am torn between so many emotions. A large part of me is happy but that small afraid region just holds me back. So I just went back into my room before my roommates found out and closed the windows next to my bed. Closed my eyes and drifted again.

Boy do I stink at writing now

 

 

It wouldn’t be New Year if I didn’t have regrets

Hey, I was sitting. Feeling blissful after events of the last day and of course talking to my elder cousin.. my first teacher and the person who actually brought out my love for reading and writing. Boy I found a lot hidden in me after I came back from UAE and practically lived with her a long time. I’ll always be indebted

So. 2011. GONE!

Hmm so talking about the Gregorian Calendar followed.. The year is over.. and man was it an eventful roller coaster ride

I am gonna be random. I started blogging. I met so many new people. I did my intermediate in pre medical. I was dumped by quite a handful of people. Found my brother. Lost my brother. My friendship with Anne, Stance and Stephanie mulitplied. I met Muki, my greatest friend alive. My Potato matey. I met Billy, or my Teen friend! I encouraged or rather inspired (=D) a bunch of people to start their own blogs. Wp became a beloved place… though even people I dread and fear of infiltrating and destroying my world came here. I am still afraid. But I care no more

I will never be the same. This year taught me so so so much. I understood the good. The better. The bad. The worse. I mean, I still am as sensitive as I was.. maybe even more.. But I know how to deal with my feelings now. Deal with people and how to bury stuff behind me. But I am still not strong enough to carry all that alone. Friends have always been whom I have looked upon. I just need a smile to hold. And I can mulitply happiness to a degree it might never reach on its own. I’m proud of that

I learned how to drive.. a bit =D

Plus guys. I got into a medical college! Becoming a doctor just like my old man

I am not going into my usual deep crap talks. But this year was hard. I shifted back to my home in the village. I had fallen in love with the city. MIracles surrounded me. Once..twice..thrice..four times. I watched so many seasons of so many tv serials just to distratct myself from the hollowness the pain my friends left me with. Friends? Jee why did I even use that term.. Double faced two toned hypocritical__                               Language Haibar!

I am sorry folks. Really. May Karma eff you up
Emphwa!

I became even more funny! Humour became even greater a plus! I found my true self! I groomed it! I laughed! I cried! I jumped! I fell! I got up again! Lalalala

I understood the diversity of people around me. I started knowing them. Giving them chances. Not judging them.

Huh.Looks like I have started again. Btw. I turned 18 this year
Yeah, right. I was a kid before.
Not anymore =D
My brain is far more mature
And boy, I am tall :D

This post might not be a good a comprehensive one since I cannot write on one set topic unless I have a craving to do so. It might not be good, but my intentions always are =D

Anyways. A happy happy happy new year to all of you. Esp my WordPress folks. You have no idea what life writing and reading you all puts in me. 

I am a bad at commenting. I am sorry for that
And at giving away awards. I will start this year, I promise
That reminds me.. I should write the so called New Year Resolution post too!
But.. going back to college tomorrow folks!
See you around!
Love !
Haibar!

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I’ll miss you
Until we meet again!

(Title: Quote by William Thomas)

Ene ende abeba negn

Nice guys finish last that’s why I’ll treat you like- (click it)

Ahoy there!

The biggest problem with me and my writing is the word ‘Mood’ I’ll have plenty of drafts saved during bad-days but no, I cannot post them until the mood the feelings rekindle and come back.

At the moment? This is the fourth try. I am happy so why shall I put up the balderdash thoughts and stories from low hours? That’s right. Happiness isn’t worth anything until spread, multiplied and absorbed by hearts numbering way more than one. And that too mine. Wait a minute did you get what I just wrote? Good luck warriors =D

I wanna scream the lyrics from the song stuck in me mind twentieth time past four months. Yes that’s right. I never knew all that. Really. (Precaution: Severe lack of modesty ahead) Literally forgot that I was such a lovely person. Until my friend Muki told me. Forgot that I was a great person until my best friend Anne told me so “Man Haibar, you are such a great person”

I hate compliments. Despise them. They make the atmosphere so ooey gooey and so sugary and make me cringe. But alright.. Sometimes when the people I really care about and the people I CONSIDER say something like that I flip and flop and become so pop and just so totally flop. You give me happiness and love. I will return that multiplied a manifold. I know this post is completely pointless. I don’t care. I am a purple daffodil, and guys.. it doesn’t exist.

I have this time. And I am gonna say all I want to say and no traitor or liar or hypocrite or backstabber can stop me from saying anything I so truly wanna say. I don’t think about myself. My thoughts, feelings and memories are adorned with the people I love and people I CONSIDER. Sometimes the vibrations gather in my body. I pick them up from places arbitrary. And I pile them up in me. Sometimes they are bad. Sometimes they are good. They pile in me and one day BAM I go off. Happy or so brutally broken. Emotions are always extreme. My soul and heart are two ends of my existence

At the moment my heart is a big bubble. Filled with bright light. And light, as Plato says, is the Shadow of God. I am a humming-bird at the moment. I am a paper boat. I am a person who is so absolutely saturated with happiness and whose cheeks are flushed. Bringing pink into a face that’ll fast go pale and yellow.

I don’t care if I die now. I don’t. Really. I am happy at the people I have in my life. I am happy I met them all. Things will go on. The thing about hearts is that they change. My sister used to say that change is the only permanent thing in nature. Ways will part. They always have. They always will. We all will have some kind of life. I hope I be happy in my mine. I pray you be in yours =)

But you only date bad guys so I’ll give it my best try (click it)

(Title stolen from a friend) Translation: “I am like Flower”