Off the track

I was just, stumbling around. Caught in my own thoughts, enmeshed in my own understandings. I went on. Head bowed as if I had no curiosity of where I was going. Wearing a big coat and my black trousers. Walking on a deserted road. Night illuminated dimly by the yellow street lights. Such a serene atmosphere. Such an innocent environment…

I am afraid. Afraid to get closer to anybody. Afraid to let open those parts that try to eat me up inside.. scared that again I’ll be proved wrong. This time I might not be strong enough. I am terrified to introduce my friends around. One mistake. My chain breaks..

No. Wait. Stop. I stop in that quiet street and think at the thought. When will I have a life of my own? I have it already dammit! I have a better one. I am a better person. I know better people. So what if life’s not a lot of what I wanted and had? So what? Huh, so what!?

I kick the pebbles out of my way and lift my head. The street is all lighted. I have a long way to go ahead. Hands deep in my pocket, I smile inwardly. I know he has been following me. I slow my pace so he catches me now. Jacob comes and pokes me in my ribs