Truth

i never really told you                                                                                                                                                                            the love i have had                                                                                                                                                                                i am a selfish person                                                                                                                                                                            and it was too much                                                                                                                                                         to give.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept

Shadows in sun

It’s all going to be the same. The dark times, the low hours. Write a different story,make up different scenarios. Trust different people, love different shades. Hide, hope. Leave, stray. It’s all gonna be the same.

There’s that caution in the air. When to say what, where to what.What if she finds out,What if he found out. Don’t want him to know I’m happy, don’t want to tell her I am sad. Guard those emotions, write a hundred stories with the same basic idea and pain that the words start to seem fake and the emotions all monotonous and cliché.

Walk the same roads, eat the same food, make the same jokes, laugh the same laugh, walk the very walk and run the very track. Cry every birthday, anniversary, party, holiday. Make the same mistakes over and over again

Waiting for that tomorrow to make everything right.
Waiting for that Sun after the night
Tell me I talk vague
Hit me, I don’t see your face
Walk away in your cowardice, 
or stay in that mere shame.
You tell me I am not here
I live in a galaxy far away
I look around and see the world
And see your sigh hanging in the air
You tell me I am different and so strange
Look through my eyes, It’s all just the same
 
old man watching out the window
 
 
 

Curses bring the worlds down

I tell you it ain’t easy as it sounds
To pack your feelings and turn around
First its just bad pain
A hard blow
Lots of tears and hurt
A poison spreading slow
Then the time passes
Cruelly ticking on
Venom reaches your heart
Poor thing long gone
So I pack my stuff and leave town
and sigh as you shut me away
I won’t talk if you ask me to
But there’s one thing I say
You broke it once you broke it twice
This time fear the poison heart’s vice 
It might be not as easy as it sounds
But Honey
Curses have brought worlds down..
 
 
Black eye
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Light The Dark

the dark and the light

When the light is dim, all weak and frail
It tells us the very outline, I hear
Whether it’s a man, a hound or a fly
Someone who knocks to enter my lair
But they say the brightness shows it all
The colour the shade the love and hate
The hound that stood, the man who crouched
The trick imitation that granted the pass
They fall at the hallway, some get a bit ahead
They walk they stumble, they run they fall
Nevertheless they never get too far
In the house of a Stygian relict
It makes me return to darkness and think
Their Light brought them here, light made them knock
My Darkness caught up and swallowed the damned lot
Halves of the same whole, white and black
Partners and lovers, divided to trick
 I sit and smile at the nature’s game
And as I lean back, laughing up so hard
Light bursts through the window and death does me part

 

Relieved is a strange thing to say – you really don’t feel that.

sitting with flowers

I am sitting on the stairs at my Uncle’s huge place. Feeling the light coming through the glass pane windows. I like it here. The damp smell, the empty house. Mom’s out. Sometimes I wish she didn’t have to do all the chores and I could do it for her but then.. we are two distant yet so close people. I don’t know her heart. She doesn’t know mine

After grandpa’s death last week, house is all silent and sad. Nobody told me about his death until Friday when I came from college back home and asked about him and Mom said..honey he’s dead. He had cancer, that I knew.

I remember when my grand dad died. My dadabu. And how that broke me. Through and through. He was my best pal. My mentor. One person who knew all the answers. He was old school, loved all his grandsons. Never much liked the girls. But I was the one girl in the whole family everyone said he loved. They said we were like friends. And I realized that very late..

So I am still sitting here. I won the interclass creative writing competition a week ago. And now I found out I came 2nd in the intercollege competition too. Kind of feels strange. I used to be the type that would spread happiness to the ends of the world once it came to me. I lost my cell. And then maybe nobody really needs to know.

It’s just, we all have thoughts and dreams and ideas. People and friends and foes. And sometimes it’s confusing. What to like what to love. What to hold on and What to hold tight. Turn your back on whom and let who go away. It’s a strange world and a very tricky journey..

happy glasses

Now, but never again

Walking away

It took a while to understand
And a while to know
The road I went on
Was never mine to go

It took a while to look
And a while to see
The person you just buried
Was someone I used to be

I went on this path
With a flower held to heart
The one you laid
On my mistaken grave

It took all this time to feel
And all this time to say
You never loved me once
and I won’t love you again..