In the Review Mirror

barrentree.jpg

There stood a tree, balding
Shaken, dry but bold-
A bitter empty existence,
In the clearing by my road.

What worth is it? I asked
This unevolved continual-
Why live with these rocks and that Sun
With them foreign and those cruel?

But silent, he stood tall.
Old, barren but alive.
And lived in his pride and his ego,
Long, long after I died..

The Journey Within

sitting by the road

I am not walking, I am just sitting by the side and gazing far ahead. All I see is..this road. This beautiful road. Flattened by the pressure of so many who have walked across it. Day in and day out. Forward or backwards. Carrying all the weight of their worlds on their shoulders. Such a poetic path. Such an elegant lane. It bends every which way, disappears in the dirt sometime, breaks down and mends again. I see it, then I don’t and then it emerges again.

And I see them walking across too, the flesh that shuffles ahead and the soul that quietly follows. The noises in the silence vibrate through the concrete that sits and the dirt that blows. I put my palm lightly over the concrete, wary of the secrets and pain it might hold. But the stubborn hardness reveals nothing while the wind screams away in my head. The questions ring through the ground and the answers blow away.

I wanna step on this road too, walk across the footsteps of so many who came before me, and disappear like they did. Leave my mark on the ground that won’t talk and give my silence to wind that won’t stay

Some other day, some other day =)

This morning, just today

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

It’s been a while I walked down that road, feeling as if I was cradling a broken heart in my ribs. It’s really been a long while when my heart and my body felt so tired that I gave up trying to do anything. Proving myself, hanging around, even laughing out aloud. As I walked towards the bus stop, I felt it. I felt the bruised rib cage and the organ it held within. But they say the pain is in the mind.. Oh my head didn’t feel very good either.

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
When the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk alone

It’s a nice long walk I take by myself everyday. I mean, even the words that hurt me were humming somewhere in the back of my mind, I have seldom felt so tired. I hurt a friend the other day and I barely had the stamina to say sorry, or go around her asking for forgiveness. I literally did not wanna pose. I simply want to go away. Walk on this endless road until I vanish.

I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

For heaven’s sake I am 18… I look like I am 20.. And act like 35… I think something really wrong is going on in my head. I just came from giving the last anatomy viva of the session. I think I did alright. My head is not in the game, Heart hurts

Read between the lines
What’s fucked up when everything’s alright
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I walk alone

Imma take a long break now. You know, our heart is too close to us… Sometimes its hard to look past it

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone up there will find me
’til then I walk alone...

(Lyrics: Greenday)

Off the track

I was just, stumbling around. Caught in my own thoughts, enmeshed in my own understandings. I went on. Head bowed as if I had no curiosity of where I was going. Wearing a big coat and my black trousers. Walking on a deserted road. Night illuminated dimly by the yellow street lights. Such a serene atmosphere. Such an innocent environment…

I am afraid. Afraid to get closer to anybody. Afraid to let open those parts that try to eat me up inside.. scared that again I’ll be proved wrong. This time I might not be strong enough. I am terrified to introduce my friends around. One mistake. My chain breaks..

No. Wait. Stop. I stop in that quiet street and think at the thought. When will I have a life of my own? I have it already dammit! I have a better one. I am a better person. I know better people. So what if life’s not a lot of what I wanted and had? So what? Huh, so what!?

I kick the pebbles out of my way and lift my head. The street is all lighted. I have a long way to go ahead. Hands deep in my pocket, I smile inwardly. I know he has been following me. I slow my pace so he catches me now. Jacob comes and pokes me in my ribs

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