Back to Basics

Sitting on steps

There’s a little something I call…Back To Basics. It is basically the assumption that we all become that one person in our life when we are, about somethings in ourselves, all we could be. And it happens when we are young. And then times pass we grow up. Incorporate all those changes and experience in us..but then again..comes a point once or more, when we slowly revert back to that place and pretty much become that person lost somewhere deep in the synapses of our brain and the layers of our skin. I don’t know.

I was sitting with Kate on the entrance steps, we both were wearing the most casual, really old, ready-to-be-torn-next-time-we-wear-it clothes, weather hot and stuffy, books surrounding us, laughing at a sudden thing that’ll pop up from some drug, reminding us one thing or the other. And pretty much making a mockery of everything Pharmacology stands for..

And I loved it. I came back, dropped my books on the floor and fell face down on the bed. My long legs dangling over the edge and welcoming the breeze from the window over my sweaty back.

There are a lot of things that dictate our existence and our personalities. Wanting something doesn’t mean it’s right for us or it will stick. Some people are meant to be a little different, a little alone, a little sad and a little crazy. Call it cowardly explanations but sometimes these are the only answers there are.

So tonight when Kate asked me why I wouldn’t text back to my little cousin who, Kate doesn’t know, used to be my best sister before she moved away to a whole new country with her family and went on being even happier than she ever was with a lame old soul like mine..

..all I could say was..aye..she’s better off without me

 

skipping-rocks

Here lie I Timon

I was passing the graveyard… one of the most lonely places I had ever been to..It had the same old air about it as we read in books and similar to what we see in movies…Time suddenly started to  flow very slowly as I found myself amidst a thousand memories.. threatening to drown me. I could remember myself in that play yard holding a dying a friend.. But his tiny body wasn’t buried here.. He wasn’t here to call my name again…He was gone and had left my memories bruised to the extent that I still bleed..

Was she here too? My flesh my blood torn apart from me before I could barely have the loved feeling? But ah her grave was lost soon after she was buried… She was gone and wiped away from the world’s memories as if she never existed… She wasn’t here to call my name…

Was he here too? A man who loved me more than seven fathers? Was he here to see his child was bruised? Was he here to tell me he still listened to my cries deep in the night and that he still remembered that I loved him more than mum? Will he stop me and tell me I’ll be alright? Will he hear if I say I love him? Will he call my name and hold me back?

Now I pictured that white beard and that white dress… I could hear the old man teaching me the Holy Book…. I could hear him teaching me basics of a human being… I could see him reading books through his thick glasses… He was the same man who walked across the hall on his old legs to see his grand-daughter’s sprained ankle in the epic netball match..It was against his nature to love and care for girls but ah I had always been special…Was he here too? Was his pure soul waiting for his grand daughter to come at his grave? Would he call me and ask me about his books? I would tell him they were safe I would tell him I loved him… something I never had the guts to say…

Were my dead uncles here too? The same who came at our place at every festival and brought me so much stuff? Was my grandma here too? The same who used to stand in cold scolding me to wear my cardigan…?

I closed my eyes and they were dry I felt my heart it was steady… I dragged myself away from the buzz of these memories, there was no one to call me back, For this graveyard had long been silent…

I had gone far. I had reached the end of the my world. I was done with lies. I was done with games. The world I lived in will not let me stay happy. And the ones who would’ve cared, won’t call anymore. So far away now… I started digging my own grave. It was about time